This aiya here is a maara one aaah… he has taken facebook stalkering to an all new level! He uses poetry to swoon his stalkees… and crappy poetry too! Chamindra aiya claims she is even prettier than the one in the pic on his post, aney mei, no need to show off ah! After all, this is only a FB relationship, you’re not getting laid, let’s not get ahead of our selves. But if you could get some head, that would be fantastical! Fantestical actually

Now reading his poem, I am imagining how this girl must have felt when he declared lines such as: “Every time I come to HSBC , I see your face.. 
Smiling and Working at the same time.. O what a Grace…” My Godzilla… He can rhyme!

“I was going through a friend list of my friends today.. 
Suddenly I saw your pic and remembered your face..” ahh really? well that is reassuring! I thought you asked random people at office for my first and last name. PHEW!

“I was happy, overjoyed cos I never thought I will 
Find you in Facebook, and see you smiling still” Yes, I don’t frown in photographs. BIG SURPRISE!

“A request… for friendship… nothing more.. nothing less.. 
I sincerely hope u will read this mail.. without putting it to junk mail..” I only wish FB had a junk mail feature. Sigh.

I am not knowing for sure if the “XOXO !!” and the end was part and bath parcel of the poem, but it adds a nice touch, very stalkerish, me like!

Our aiya then tells us that she has accepted this request, and things are going well luu… Shaa really? does that mean she replies to your fb chats? Shaa maarai nei? Soon they’ll be married… on FB. Shaa… this aiya is a maara one!

Ammata udu. I’ve stumbled across this blog full of… brilliant…wait for it… poetry. Yes, the sheer brilliance of this prose shines like the dark side of the moon itself. Moka? The dark side doesn’t shine? Ah ok, shines like a well polished sponge. Naha? ahhhhhh. Whatever, something that shines ok? This poet is world class gracious award winning class poet.

You don’t go knocking on her okay? It’s not nice to knock on such genius as which writes

Scream the voices in my head. I just want them to cease
Hunted and haunted I have not a moment of release
Leave me be you demons of warped confounded thought!
If only I could efface the memory of those who provoked this fraught…

Ow ah. This writer is definitely so full of integrity that she must be doing integration homework for the rest of the school of emo kids. I mean local school. There is definitely no problem with her, as we can see she sees the bright side of everything and we can always count on her to deliver a resounding performance, often which leaves the reader writhing in agony surprised as hell.

She is so far from being a rabid emo that the distance is measured in light years. Let us applaud this great poet of our times!

No, not your leg-calves, animal calves. Apoo now that I said calves so many times it is starting to look a very pitasakwela word.

Bummer.

This boy here says don’t eat meat. He is very brave for it, I think. Espeshally with all the people eating meat around him. He tries to make good argument of not eating meat but he got lost somewhere after typing the title of the post. Must be the lack of meat in his diet. Poor boy. But never you mind, he still tries to say something or other about cows and his mother’s breasts. We cannot make heads or cow’s tail of this thing.

We in the village are very animal loving people. We love all animals. Yes, even the dogs on the road sometimes disappear and a new dish shows up at the appe kade. This Mahesh malli does commendable effort in trying to educate people, but he needs more meat in his system to be able to write good post. Maybe we should give him some Tea Vee Pea instead. He says he studies at the SLUT, so I am not in the sure if they should be writing into software when they are in this depraved state. It is of no surprise my cash register in appe kade keeps telling me to stop selling beef and throws money everywhere.

Holy hakuru! Look at this willoo? There is some lady named DelilahSays. Now SomapalaSays confused. Who is this?

Let us read this interesting blog.

This lady is very crafty. She gets other people to make her paper boats by holding their hands. Chikey, poor boy. Wonder what he got in return, other than slightly less ink on his hands. We read the earlier post, and look, she has abused some skinny boy and made him into a man.

Truly, she is the Man Maker, you know, like in that rupavahini show How I met your ammi? She has helped along this little boy by poisoning his peyawa and just generally being a balli to him. But this is all good. For he is now great man and lady is for some confusing reason regretful. Why why?

After this we see lots of posts, one of them being something about some Jack fellow. Strange men this lady goes around with. No wonder she’s so good at toughening any weak ones.

Long live this lady, may she hardify many a man!

uh oh! – troll aiyas jealous streak is starting to show!

In this post it slings some of its kakki at the good natured (albeit freaky) 8 legged kottuva. Looks like pada-nonis has gone all pukeycious because no one bothered to draw him in their list! boo hoo!!

In this padaycious post, we finally start to see that it’s mental condition and troll-like disposition just maaaaaaybe involuntary! It seems it runs in its family.

“My four year old blind cousin with two fingers can do better sketches that this,” it says.

O-hoooo!!! you don’t say!?! Is everyone related to you a freak of nature?

Any-hoo padayo, you’ve made a name for yourself, you really have. You, pada show, are the drop of shit – to our pot of milk. You show up, and everything stinks. It’s just easier to bear with you now because now we know you really are mentally handicapped  it’s not your fault you’re a retard no!

This uncle is here is a maara one aah. He is the mostest technofogically advaansed in the whole Kottu Fuzzay thinks. His blog is like a wanderland! There are soooo many gadgematics here there and averywheres Fuzzay feels like hees in the jungies again! Swinging from one page to another Fuzzay sees this uncle is a very happening uncle! He collects other blogger aiyyas and nangis desktopps and shows us all kinds of places on the Google Earth. Fuzzay tried to locate his jungie but it is hard to use Google Earth with a tail!

But Fuzzay has no clue what this uncle’s name means. Where does it cum from? Sir No uncle can you tells Fuzzay this? Fuzzay thinks it is from his scool days when jealoos teachairs would pull him by the earlubes and hit his bootom with a cane and Sir No uncle would scream “Sir No, Sir! Please Sir, it hurrrtsss!”. Fuzzay doessssn’t noe this for sure, herpfully Sir No uncle will cumfirm this.

In his latest post this uncle talks about the ends of the wars in Siri Lanka, he sayss that we must heal the woombs of the soilders and make moneys out of touristes. He is a very smart uncle this one! Fuzzay <3’s yooooooooooo!

Caan yoo find my jungie on the Google Earth?

This ayya here is very brave. He has come out of the almaariya of insanity and is admitting, in his own little way, that he is retarded. Kudos to him for displaying such brutal honesty.

or take my chances
in the dark
hearing geckos fart
and listening to shadows creak
as stumbling, another door
i seek.

I cannot make oluwa or tails of this thing, but I am sure it is a very wise bit of poetry that will get him a booker prize. Without having to perform a million diferent sexual favours to the judging committee.

But nevertheless, we must app-loud such bravery. He will go into our ‘brave bloggers’ list. It is yet to be made. The village carpenter is such a bloody drunkard he is still rolling around in the kasippu pot so he hasn’t made the board to put the list on yet.

Kamak naha.

Guess whoose back after leafing the Kottus for a trip to France? Yes, you guessed it, it is mister RD himself, Lord King Mudalali of the Lankanosphere.

In this post here he tells us about how he saw Barack Obama, and he built up so much suspensh that every fur on fuzzay was standing on its ends and fuzzay’s heart was racing like a Lankan bus as RD wood say.

Fuzzay is a big big fan of RD uncle, he is the oldest and the baldest of the Lankanosphere, Fuzzay thinks. He is alsos the funnierst! He makes the funnierst jawks about farts, poopies, saramas, and jungies. Who could not lurrrve him?

Off course there are some who are not fans of RD uncle, like this booruwa saint over here who called him Rhythmic Diarrhea. Everyone, even Fuzzay from the jungies of Siri Lanka, knows what RD stands for. This saint aiyya is a real @$$hole, he breaks Fuzzay’s <3

But not to worry! RD uncle is back and Fuzzay feels alrighty again. However, there is a fowl smell going around and its not coming from our very own Chootipada, his padas are short, sweet and sumtimes even smel good. No, this shmel is coming from that Padashow uncle. He is a maara kari-uncle that Pada uncle! Sumtimes Fuzzay chokes on his Pada’s. But it is okay, RD uncle is here so all will flow smoothly, Fuzzay will be fine.

Tank yoo RD uncle for cuming back to the Kottu!
Fuzzay <3’s yooo!

We at YBR (x3) have been working ever so hard to bring you the blogs that RAWK. But what’s this we see?? a scary troll is on the loose – and apparentlyWE are his latest obsession.

this Pada-nonis has trudged around in its own kakki for so long he has become immune to the smell of his own padas! but issokay. Though this troll-aiyya may seem incapable of affection he shows it to us in an unusual way -  just like gamey aiyya pulling the gamey nangis piggytails to show he likes her. making fun of poor fuzzays isspeech impediment and spiderpiggys sexual preferences and somapalas appes! blistering barnacles and thundering typhoons! those appes are fucking oooh-sum okai? dont come to mess with the Appa Kadey Somey harida?!

Now we at YBR are not afraid of this Padashow and his filthy words and filthy farts do not hurt us, maybe fuzzay, but not the rest of us. You cannot harm us Mr. Pada. We know you are not capable, you ain’t got nothin’ on us, fart. Maybe pada-nonis will compress alllllll his smelly farts and make a deadly bombaya – a bombaya soooo deadly that it will blow the kottu out of the inter-the-net!

well… a troll can dream, can’t it?

This aiya here is maarai ah. He is very welcome at my appa kade anytime. He is so very entertaining. I love his blog to bits. To little tiny pieces. Not to be spread around the corners of the earth, mind you. He is such a fun dude. COCO. Oh sorry, I am just getting used to this yathuru board thing. XOXO my dear friend. You are truly an ass to the- aney me, stupid yathuru kalla! You are truly an asset to our dear kottu.

He has such funny posts! Like this here where he is making love to his kottaya. He is dreaming of rolling around on floor and doing this and that with girls. Randy  little bugger ah? Good good, young rocking men like you are needed for this place. I wish I was as good as this ayya at writing a blog. Neverr you mind, I will get there somehow. By spaceship or rocket ship or bakki kartaththe, I will get there! Untitled ayya has given me courage!

Somapala’s to-do list:

• Become soo-wave ladies miniha like untitled ayya
• Become propicient at making so many lists with other people in them, to make them happy.

This saint is confusing. He swears worse than that kolla down the road when the cow is eating his lunch. But I now see that this kunuharapa adds to the flavour of the post. It gives it that much needed dose of wholesome humour and edgy feel and naughtyness that is lacking in everyday life. This is a good saint. He entertain us. Since we can’t swear at ourselves, we mights as well let him do all the yelling. Happy people everywhere.

Some para balla told me that people only swear so much when they have nothing else to say. He is a fool. This saint here is a ela kiri kolla. He posts very enter-the-training posts. Certainly, none of us get bored reading through an endless stream of one.. dekai… thunai… four leter words. Maara hapanek ah meya.

This mean aiyya over here is a real @$$hole. His laytest post is about hitting akki’s and nangi’s. He asks if boys and girls should hit each other the same way.

Fuzzay does not like this aiyya because he talks about akki’s and nangi’s like they are of different speecheese. Garry aiyya does not realies that akki’s and nangi’s are from a different planut entirely. They are not even human, they are aliens in disguys. Poor Garry aiyya did not know, but he is still a kar-aiyya!

When it cums to monkays hitting each other, there is general balance in the sistem. All we does is throw poopies at each other, and boy poopies are the same as girl poopies so there is no issue of gender inequality. This is because we monkays are very speshal beings. There are very few @$$holes among monkays, only apes are @$$holes. Fuzzay thinks Garry aiyya is an ape, or at least wants to be one.

Do not be fooled by this Garry aiyya, his is not a sort of bootiful mind, ASOB stands for A Son Of a Bitch. He is a very bad aiyya! And he has broken Fuzzay’s <3

This little piggy happened to come across this kottu le Kottu Machine.

Now, this tasty kottuva has pit up pics of many other kottus, (in the way he perceives them to be, clearly. there’s no way the kottus can be so smexxy, meya!!! no way at all!). There’s a dexter, a morticia adams &  even a kottu that appears to be a ‘Vietnamese’ samurai.  (eh?)

First it was a certain makuluwa, and now it is this untitled one, who seems to enjoy playing dress up.

I is sure he had fun doing it. The extra hits probably don’t hurt either.

well – i is loving you’re take on it. really

See here for your mug shot. (if you’re lucky)

This here is ze funniest bogger on ze Kottu. He is so funny he makes me double up with laughter everytime I see his name pop on ze Kottu roll. But he’s not all fun and games… oh no… He can be serious when he wants to be…

Like… when he tells us six years after the Iraq invasion began that IT WAS A BIG MISTAKE!

OH NOES!

Why oh why didn’t he think of this when Bush decided to declare war in two-fucking-thousand-three?!?!!

I have only one thing to say: The Court Jester for President!

Here, I’ll tell you a little secret? I don’t think this man here is completely sans-mole kachal. I know this because his kopi kade is just opposite my appe kade! But he puts up ela kiri postings aaah. Nobody can dispute that. Age only sharpens this blogger’s skill, honing his abilities.

He writes writes about the yuddhaya with such spinache, and his stories are so nice. We read interestedly about his exploits with some Alice in Jaffna. Now now, he is not that kind of old man. He is good, benevolent old man.

But meya, I must confess. I can’t under the bus stand anything from this post. What is this ah? He says Walrus and Alice and Gecko and This and That and Umbe Amma and everything. But nevertheless he is very important member of kottu community. We can all have a good laugh at with him.

Fuzzay is a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE fan of Gehan Aiyya. He plays piano sooooooooo well, and his fingers are so so sesky on the keyboards.

Fuzzay doesn’t understand hows he plays without a head. Fuzzay can’t play without looking at keyboard, without head Fuzzay couldn’t even live. Gehan is truuuly a master, a maestro! And his voice, is like the sound of a monkey bum squeeling as I get funkay with it. Fuzzay luuurrrrves Gehan Aiyya’s sinduwas.

Today Fuzzay got inspiredation to try playing piano like Gehan Aiyya!
I recorded my faaaavouritest song, a sinduwa that I would lurrrve to hear Gehan Aiyya sing! Will you sing for me Gehan Aiyya? 

Look here willoo? Just when Somapala was happily reading away in this open plan bawa style internet cafe, and suddenly HE give me a post about very controvertial issue of homa-ness. Now I am no anti-homa person, all of us at the village have stopped boiling in hot oil anybody caught with their um- kalla- in something of same sex. Only a handful of us even stone them on the streets now. New age village.

We are thankful for the presence of such enlightened characters on our very own kottugator.

This man is very smart, he has ‘Straight eye for the queer guy’. Ee  wage something.  He spins us this controvertial issue of controvertial secirutity guards in controvertial embassy very controvertially and humorously. Ah yes, he is very humorous man. He is so humorous that the humour almost kills us with little dara-kaali of controversy. From it being so funny, of course.

Of course.

Somapala was not aware that in the city, even makuluwos were blogging. Fool makuluwos, making us village people look like apes. Chikey.

But this makuluwo is very good at writing things down. Journalist-ayya kenek. Also good at drawing people. Just look at this willoo? Certainly, all this drawing people is a social service. Definitely, one would not do this just to get attention. No no men, very talented. Use all eight legs to draw. We all know drawing with legs comes out better than with hands.

Somapala wish we could draw like this. Mus try holding piece of charcoal between toes next time. But Somapala fears he will use the Force for jaraa weda. Like trying to uranawa-up to people to get hits. Somapala not very good at being good. Sorry aney.

Kamak naha, I will take makuluwas example. Thank you, satha, you teach me much.

PEEESSS – These smiley things are just ela kiri no?

This has got to be the best blog aggregator in the world, I mean the mere sight of it makes my heart flutter. What with hearthrobs like the headless piano player and the Shania Twain groupie turned jock turned local 50 Cent having the resident hotties swooning over them how can one not be swept off of their feet by the mere presence of such callous manhood on ze Kottu blogroll. Yum.

Kottu ROCKS!

Run, Chavie, Run!

Faster!

Faster!

Keep running!

Don’t stop!

Don’t look back!

Run away from Twitter!

Run away from Kottu!

Run AFK!

Run to the exam hall!

Run, Chavie. Run!

Run into my arms! x3